mom

Growing up after the death of my dad was beyond rough. Still not sure if my mother loved me until after i was done with sports. SHe was always so high on me with sports and was always willing to travel if it meant i could show off my skills. Hell I remember when we had all star tournaments in both pa and ny sometimes in the same day and she was more then happy to be at allt he games. Yes she complained about the drive, but she never made me feel like she was there cause she loved me.

SHe always had a dream of me being center stage on national tv playing football, and when the game was over just saying i owed it all to my mom.. Years later and with a family of my own i have understood that i will never know if that woman loved me for me or for sports when i was growing up, and now i think its more out of guilt then anything else.

Being the middle of three boys was difficult. You had brian the first born who always got what he wanted even if it was mine. Then you had adam who was and still the baby boy. Take a for instance with adam...my mom moves with him to help him with his daughter while his wife is in training to be an officer in the army. After his exwife gets back home and they are leading a normal life she is still there watching his daughter and letting him be basically a free man who can act like he doesnt have kids unless he wants to. Meanwhile I am divorced and raising four kids alone and could use help, the only time she decided to help me is if i will pay for her gas and a little bit of food to come downa nd watch the kids so i can go to the field. She moves down with me for a few months then finally deicdes to start dating again and then meets her boyfriend and leaves me and the kids. A few members of the family are still pissed at her for leaving me and the kids in the lurch like that, if i didnt tell her to go she would have made my life totally miserable. She would have come to NY with me and been miserable the whole time even after she got a job.

she made excuses for brian's felony cnviction for being stupid with the mail, made excuses for all of the bullshit adam has done, and always put me to the fire when i did something wrong.

I dont know if i can forgive her ever for the way she treated me when i was growing up. She always expected me to take care of her in the end, and i just cant see myself doing that.