Kacy

Ive been avoiding this one, and a few more for a while now but have the oppertunity to sit down and write so I feel that I should stop avoiding and start writing.

I met her when things in my life were screwed up and complicated. I was spinning around everyday trying to help the kids get over the fact that their mom left, and trying to figure me out as well. She came in and laid down the ground rules between us, which made things much easier for me in the beginning. No worries or trying to figure out what she wanted from me, she told me upfront what she wanted.


As things progressed between us, she was becoming a more permant fixture in my house and my life. All of this scared me a bit since I just was left a few months earlier by my exwife. She was always there sometimes just sitting there with me, watching a movie, or just listening to music and talking about our days. The little things that mattered most in life before her didnt matter much...she gave them meaning again. to say that I was falling in love with her would be an obvious and accurate statement, but since I was still reeling from the crap kelly did to me I fought this at every turn.

I was so scared of her and how she made me feel that I went ahead and screwed her over(at the time)to make her go away from me, it seems to be the easiest way for me to handle things, and it makes things easier for them as well. I made a lot of bad decisions over the course of time that we didnt talk.



hell she didnt talk to me for a few months, cause of how I treated her at the end and the person that I was with didnt want her around me at all. I didnt blame her for not talking to me, I deserved it more then I still really want to admit. I decided to text her one day hoping she would respond and we could at least be friends. I got very lucky she did respond to me and we have been friends...there is a part of me that will always feel bad for being a chicken and running away from my feelings for her. There is no excuse for what I did to make her go away, I should have been a man and just told her that I was all wrong for her and then let her make her decisions based on that. Hind sight is always 20/20 and this just proves it more and more. I cant have her by my side as my partner, that is reserved for her man Steve, but I do have her in my life and she has been a constant source for me to lean on when things are at their craziest.




In the end she is happy with her man, and I have my life.....