Wow

Its been a while since I have last posted. THings went kind of crazy in my life with section certification and getting ready for the field, then coming home to the holiday weekend.


Where did I become a materialistic person? I looked in the mirror yesterday and I almost didnt know who I was looking at. He looks like me but he is not me, I stared for a few minutes just to make sure it was really me.

I was never about material things, never cared who had a better car, better clothes, newer stuff. I was always content with just being me and having the things that I do. Has the army turned me into the type of person that I grew up hating? Was it cause of deployments that I started to turn out like this? Was it cause of kelly always buying new things with my money? All of these are great questions but the answer is still simple.....I turned into something I grew up hating.

When I was growing up I never cared who had the newest, best, most expenisve...brian and adam always care about that stuff. Me I was always a simple person, and prided myself on that simple fact. I was more content with having a book to read then a new game for the game system we had at the time.

I can remember one xmas when my mom bought me a gold chain that she wanted me to wear, It was very nice. I was already wearing a chain that was bought for me, and my mom's arguement was that it was nicer and newer and she wanted me to wear it. I told her thank you but I was already wearing a chain, and liked wearing it and didnt want to change. She got pissed at me and took the chain back...I was a simple person then and somewhere along the way I forgot that.

I checked my bank account and saw that I really have no money, Im trying to figure out how that is possible. Its not cause of the kids, they are always taken care of, and its not food...there is plenty in the house...so how come I dont have any money. I looked at my tv and saw both the game systems I have and realized that I have some of the latest and newest games....I have been spending too much time playing games lately. I developed that habit while I was married to kelly and when she would start her crazy crap I would get into a video game to get away from her. When she left me I went head first into video games just to escape my thoughts. Not the wrong answer but no where near the right answer as well.

With my shoulder hurting more and more each day( of course I hide this fact cause I hate to be considered a whiner) Its forced me to look into myself and see what the hell is going on with me. Not liking the answers very much, and according to one very close source I may not like what I find but I need to deal with it in order to move forward( Lucy)